Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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