i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
