He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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