sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
