she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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