I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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