Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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