I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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