You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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