you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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