if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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