omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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