I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
