3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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