I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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