I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
