Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
