you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
