Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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