So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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