I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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