I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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