I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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