oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
