I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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