K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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