Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
