you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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