Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
