I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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