All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
