You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
