Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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