it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
