Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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