Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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