So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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