dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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