a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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