I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
