I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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