I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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