Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
