I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
