you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
