Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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