I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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