Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
