i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
