its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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