not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
