This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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