I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
