Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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