Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
