life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
my poor anus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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