Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
