at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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