I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
