he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
