I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
