I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
