just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
